Tuesday, 10 July 2018

million dollar idea for all songwriters


a jazzy song called "Jekyll and Hyde"- a song about a fake-ass bitch lover who shows the whole world he is a saint and does everything right and doesn't care what people think

But in reality, he is playing girls and the very fact that he is so private about his life is just to hide his fake-ass bitch ways. And because he knows people think quiet people minding their own business are the "realest".

The last verse will conclude that in a world of hypocrites, maybe the artist's own carelessness, cursing and openness isn't so bad.

I don't have the talent for songwriting so I am not going to ruin my beautiful idea with a stupid-ass Justin Bieberish poppy number (stupid-ass doesn't equal BAD)

However, this goes in my top 5 list of amazing ideas EVER, along with my Jackie Chan movie idea where he plays an an impoverished retired stuntman and a single dad to a small girl child. Although, growing up I heard some rumors about his philandering ways with girls my age so I'm a bit apprehensive about this dream movie now.

Monday, 2 July 2018

google : what to do when u find out he's a cheating d-bag

One minute you are a bloody role-model for all those young girl friends who wish to stay in University, balance internship and homework, play sports, musical instruments and yet take life as if it's always a Friday night.

Next minute I'm in fetal position in the corner of my bedroom wondering why I am such a coward with low self-esteem leading to communication problems that have made me emotionally stunted and incapable of building new relationships in my adult life.

I wish it was 2012 and I was absolutely unafraid to put up click-bait titles, write in depth about my misinformed opinions and what I thought of everyone i.e. bitching about people who pissed me off and exposing real common people because I was obsessed with Perez Hilton.

But of course, I grew up (although I'm still stuck in the same cycle of 4-5 heartbreaks per year) and content must also mature.
No more mopey-dopey I-am-so-stressed-cos-of-school stuff. I do have a lot of things that I think can make you laugh, and of course, I only do it for the joy of writing. Very probable that I am writing to an entirely imaginary audience right now. Still, I am not sure what I should really focus on. Let's wait out till the creativity strikes.

I think it's high time I kick start this blog back to life and do something about my life.

As soon as I am able to get myself up from my safe corner.

Sunday, 13 May 2018

when difficult is beautiful

"Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day;
teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime."

I came across this Chinese idiom earlier today and, believe me, I could not have seen it at a more appropriate point in my life.

It is not the first time I have read this, although it is the first time I read it in Chinese because

obviously, I learned how to read Chinese just recently.

A few years back, I would love reading such idioms because Chinese is such a fascinating and romantic language. It is so aesthetically pleasing (no wonder people get "beijing duck" tattooed on their arms as long as it is in the Chinese script) and there is no much wisdom in a single character.

However, let's get back to the dull reality of life.

Now that I'm studying Chinese, I can tell you, the Chinese part and the transliteration of it makes no sense to me. Because IT IS A DIFFICULT LANGUAGE.
You have to memorize these idioms and assume that other people have also either memorized or come across it, if you want them to understand what you're talking about when you use a certain idiom.

This is just an example and there are THOUSANDS UPON THOUSANDS OF IDIOMS.

There are lots of jokes (I would call it dark humor because I joke about it, yet I live it) that talk about how your mother can turn into a horse, or asking a person a question can turn into asking them for a kiss, just by using an incorrect tone.

Bottomline is, there is so much you can do to make yourself sound like you are speaking gibberish.

So, if you are interested in learning Chinese, ask yourself one thing :


oh, I am just messing about.

In fact, I think it is a very doable language.

Of course, I am a closet introvert, terrified of being laughed at so I never really immersed myself in a Chinese-speaking environment. That is probably why I am so bad at this. However, even while breaking one of the most essential rules of learning a language, I have already begun to feel a sense of familiarity when I hear Chinese being spoken. It gives me a sense of relief that I haven't wasted two years doing nothing (while of course, with the amount of examinations we have, even the dunce of the class will come out wiser a man).

The key is to keep on going and just not letting it get to you.

A lot of problems have arisen within the university because a lot of foreign language students drop out. Many people blame their young age and the recklessness that comes with it, low attendance in classes etc. Although they may be right, many people don't factor in how easy it is to be disheartened while learning another language.

A majority of the people who complain about the irresponsibility of the drop-outs are usually post-grads and in higher levels. Usually, they justify themselves by saying that they graduated easy-peasy even with the distractions, so what is wrong with this new generation.



Because I can tell you (and not sound like a complete know-it-all arsehole), there were lots and lots of people in my batch and batches before me who never managed to complete their graduation.
personally, I did not struggle as much in the entirety of my three years of graduation as I struggle two weeks with this foreign language.

And it is frustrating because I find it easier to start a discourse on political and literary theory, in English, than I would to describe a scene of a guy trying to rent a house in China, in Chinese.


And this is not EASY-PEASY.

I'm not sure how much empathy one needs to understand that a person may be extremely disheartened if they have been studying for long periods of time, yet they speak like a 2 year old in another part of the world.


I did not come here to rant, but let's face it, it comes natural to me.

Needless to say, my fear of the Chinese language is slowly disappearing although it is very much still lurking about.

And WHAT DO I DO after this?

I throw myself in the real world, looking for internships that will force me to face my fears.

At first, I was terrified of entering the office building because I still feel like I am a child. CLOSET INTROVERT, I am. Therefore, I was wondering how in the world would I ever talk like one of the many independent, brilliant, outspoken women I am encountering these days.

On my first day, I had to make some RSVP calls, which I know is very lame but personally, it felt like a huge task.


Every time someone asked me something that was not exactly in the same words in the script, I panicked and I blabbered and felt like a complete fool.

DAY 2, I got the hang of it. The key was to just be a normal person and not try to be the independent, brilliant, outspoken women I talked about earlier. I was my own easily-freaked-out self, but managers took notice that I am a pretty fucking nerdy type, therefore, I was doing the work sincerely.

Plus, my phone sucks so I don't use instagram as much anymore. Funnily enough, whenever my report came, it usually started with "the interns before you really screwed everything up because they just came to take selfies...."


By DAY 3 I was dialing whilst looking at pictures of animals on the computer, and I didn't even freak out when I accidentally called a "Mrs." a "Mr.". You would understand the gravity of the situation if you were a nerdy type like me.

I guess I'm not a nervous person. Lots of people tell me the problems I describe is called "low self-esteem" but what I noticed was, unless I know my shit I don't want to go out there and perform.

Once I had finished making around 10 mistakes, I felt so pro, I could even start being charming. So the problem isn't in my lack of self-esteem but rather in the awareness that I am unprepared.

Even though I know now that I am ready for anything as long as I just jump into it and make at least 10 mistakes, it's quite scary because my next project is on the 17th.

I'm expected to start using Chinese verbally with native Chinese speakers and HEAVEN KNOWS HOW UNPREPARED I AM.

To be honest, I am not anywhere near the top of my class, let alone "one of the best" in anything. I'm going as a representative of a company that isn't even small so I guess you can say, I AM REALLY INTIMIDATED.

But strangely, I am in a phase in my life where I take on challenges although it kills me. I never knew I had it in me to be a "early to bed, early to rise", running-after-internships, taking-on-challenges type of girl.
But maybe this is how the independent, brilliant, outspoken women learned how to be what they are today.

Just a thought.

I am still shitting my pants though. 

Thursday, 7 December 2017

my butt is so big

Just the other day, I was scanning my wardrobe with my back towards Joshika and she asked me whether I am also Kylie Jenner now. In Joshika's lingo this means she has equated the size of my butt with the Kardashian sisters'.

Hello everyone,
I am back to the same weight as my 17year old self (which might be self-praise for most people but in my case, I was a fatso then). I don't mind exposing my weight but to keep things interesting, I will only reveal that I am now eligible to drive a Bullet.

Oh man, I forgot to update recently but I now own a sturdy and reliable (until it freezes up in the cold weather and refuses to start until I kick it a thousand times and sweet-talk it in an attempt to stop making it embarass me by making me kick start like a manly man in front of everybody) moped. Which is a REALLY big thing for me because I am terrified of driving two wheelers, including bicycles.

A lot of shit keeps changing. Did I ever mention how much I hate cats?
Well, it seems I love them now. 

How in the world do such things even happen....

Anyway, this blog post is just a ping to let you all know that I am still writing! 

I don't know how this happened but there has been a spike in the number of readers in recent times. Thanks all for joining my narcissitic webpage and for inflating my ego! However, I just wanted to drop a little observation and disclaimer. 

I had been reading my older posts because a new reader asked me to recommend some of my "best" posts. I, personally, think most of them are bullshit and embarrassing because I am always getting older and eveything I did as a teen seem increasingly lamer with time. 

However, I think my writing got slightly more refined between 2013 and 2014 so there you might find some things worth reading. However, after those years I became very much conscious that more people are reading this shit blog so I was a lot faker. 

The pre-2013 posts are more of diary entries. I say A LOT of questionable stuff and I keep going back and forth on my opinions because, well, I was growing up and still regularly attending my highly conservative Catholic school which instilled in me whatever I later went on to rebel against. Moreover, you might cringe because I was highly influenced by gyaru culture and wanted to act kawaii all the time. Meaning, I presented myself to be an angelic baby (this blog used to go by cringiest names like ICE CREAM GIRL before  I finally settled on "chong-a-block", which is derived from "choc-a-bloc"- the name of a type of ice cream. Thankfully I learnt the actual meaning of "chock-a-bloc", so I pretend that is the actual derivation to not look as dumb as I am) although I was illegally drinking like a maniac and being an absolute pain of a teen. Because of my old self I feel that, in the world of My Chemical Romance, "teenagers scare the living shit out of me".

Have fun!