Tuesday, 3 October 2017

Life is unfair

"Life is unfair"

It is the most over-used cliche of all time, so much that suddenly it has lost its' complete meaning.

"Shit happens" is a probable millenial synonym for this phenomenon.

Growing up, I have used this phrase endless times and in all kinds of varied circumstances. Some, more insensitive than others.

Nip of pen broke? Dog died? Stepped in a puddle? Parent died?

Shit happens. Life is unfair.

Good news is, I have witnessed life being selectively unfair to a sect of people. Doesn't matter if they are good or bad or rich or poor or badass or losers.

Somehow, some time, I started to believe in the concept of "mangliks" because I have seen people losing their husbands or boyfriends multiple times even after being of marriageable age ( and since I am an enlightened woman, "marriageable age" is a completely liberal term referring to mid to late 30's for women too!)

Why do I write this?

Because I want to record this realisation
(You judge whether I am a cynic or a realist)

That I may not end up with the person I love
Or the job I love

However, I have a mind to think, I will adapt.
Since my target audience are late teens, this is my contribution in not spreading idealistic lies that you get what you want.

I will, however, let you know that if you adapt to circumstances and see the best in everything and everyone and become the person who you wanna be best friends with

Then life is certainly worth living .. ONLY IF to find out what's next.

p.s. : fuck yall who keep me from making the biggest mistakes of my life. I love you, though!

Tuesday, 25 July 2017

Unhappily In Love?

I was updating my journal yesterday, and I shit you not, I filled in more these past two months than I have had in the past 1 and a half years.

It's not a completely new realisation for me, but I tend to write a whole lot when I'm happy. I think I'm finally getting back on my feet after all that has happened quite recently.

As we all know, I am addicted to the internet. However, what I get most of the time, and what is definitely not true, is that I am too public about my life. I don't have anything to hide as such but assuming my whole life is on my instagram is just not right.

When I started this blog, I did it as an alternative for a journal. However, the number of readers increased so I increasingly became more private until I started posting only on a monthly basis so I could just summarise the details of a long period of time. Mostly, by this time, blogging was just an outlet to practice quirky writing.

Anyway, this one is going to be a slightly more serious post and a bit more personal.

I was comparitively quiet after I joined college because I was genuinely busy with the music society and all the studying I had to do. By the second year, I had become quite comfortable hustling all the time but I was always lonely.

I am quite comfortable being by myself because I like to read, play Sims, painting, playing music and all other kinds of solo activities. But I'm always so desperately alone that I just surround myself with friends all the time.

When I was in hostel in DU, it was really easy because I lived with few of my best friends and they slept as late and woke up as early as me.

Skip to my final year and I fell in love and got into a relationship which most of us thought could last. I thought my life was perfect because I was a favourite with my employers, professors and now I had this nice person who cares for me.

A few months later, I was so unhappily in love that everything turned into a trainwreck. There was nothing wrong with either person's behaviour and there was absolutely no abusive language (except the jokes) or actions. The overarching mood surrounding us was something I didn't think was possible. I was so guilty because I couldn't help to be in the same room with the person I CHOSE to be with and yet, feel like there is a heavy burden on my shoulders.

Most nights I would sit on the window sill and just feel empty. It's indescribable but I was so lonely, it sometimes drained me physically. The worst part was, when I was away from this person, the loneliness got worse so I didn't even have the courage to leave. This lasted for over a year.

Finally when I graduated, I got in to this school very far away from all those memories. It was a new beginning for me but coming to this whole new environment made me so homesick that I kept going back to my old campus to stay with my friends. I also couldn't leave my boyfriend until I really had to come back because my new professors were not happy with my attendance.

Once I started having my own life here, I felt like the chains were loosening up. Slowly, I stopped feeling the need to attach myself to those same people because I had much to worry about, especially school.

Finally, we drifted away and eventually we broke up and I predicted that I would be bawling all night. However, as I cried at the loss, I realised I was crying because I had invested so many emotions and suffered so much for this doomed relationship and now I was finally free.

I would have never guessed that I would feel so much relief. By freedom, I don't mean the freedom to see other people but just freedom for being miserable and working on unworkable problems for so long.

I think about those months with a lot of bittersweet nostalgia now
But if I could change anything about those times I would still not change a thing.

Thanks for reading and listening to my sob story. Just wanted to let out what I had been bottling in for the longest time.

It's been half a year since everything has happened and very randomly, I suddenly found the right words today. However, I say all this feeling much better if you are even slightly concerned.

Anyway, can anyone else relate?????

Monday, 19 June 2017

i want to move

A very quick update.

There is an insect infestation in our house started by what I presume are wood borers. These wood borers can be tiny beetles/worm like creatures according to google images. They make tunnels in the wooden furniture and leave yellow chaffs of wood behind, which are very very hard to clean because they are light and fly about.

Recently, I came across Wendy's blog post from 2009 when she, too, faced the same dilemma.

She said the wooden pieces left behind is the feces of these disgusting insects. When I saw the google images of them making their tunnels and just sliding around in them, I just got goosebumps because I cannot imagine I have been roommates with hundreds of them for so long.

Few months back,I used this pesticide called "Terminator" which is used to kill termites.
Personally, I think that name is witty and hilarious, but lame at the same time. 

I thought I could finally take a breath of relief. However, they reappeared and all my clothes got the dirty yellow wood/feces all over it again.

This time, our old helper girl emptied a whole bottle of "Terminator" inside ONE of my cupboards. My room smelled horrible to some. But I like the smell of chemicals, including the ones in mosquito repellents and paint. Anyway, it as hazardous because the smell was so sharp and strong, I presume.

However, the pests continued to multiply and now I have some more in my dressing table and shoe rack!

I don't think any piece of furniture is salvageable anymore because I just hoped the problem would go away (Like I do with most things anyway) and never did anything about it.
And suddenly, one day, one of the doors of my cupboard came crashing down.

I WAS SO ANNOYED, I picked up that heavy door in my Hulk-Mode and threw it outside my house.

The exterminator will cost quite a bit I'm guessing. because my cupboard is pretty big and there are more than 3 pieces of furniture that have been affected.

Actually, to be very honest, I want to move!

This house is cute and lovely and everything but everything keeps breaking down.
Maybe the polish or the wiring or general setup of the house is half-assed.

Just yesterday, Sari almost electrocuted herself because she tried using one of the switches in my room that is always on no matter if you put the switch up or down.

She wanted to plug in her charger so I told her to use a pen to unblock the third hole so the other two holes would also free up.

She plugged in the pen and she could've got the 'shock of her life' (hehe) but she didn't. She didn't even turn on the switch and her phone started charging as soon as she plugged in the charger.

I wanted to confirm that the plug point really was messed up, so later at night I tried that whole pen thing and my lamp. And yes, the switch is totally dispensable. I could've died too, especially because, like an invincible person, I decided to not wear my slippers even though I was going to do this experiment.

Other things that have been messing up REPEATEDLY are the washing machine, televisions, fridge, computer, need I say more?

Thursday, 8 June 2017

Monthly Favourites - May 2017

The past few months have been an actual roller coaster of a ride.

Some days I'm so productive that I am able to participate in a contest, ace my exams, read an amazing book, clean my room and bring world peace, while on other days I will just eat Maggi noodles for lunch and dinner and watch Ugly Betty for 3 days straight.

So, in order to increase my productivity and give myself more incentive to be more balanced throughout the month, I have decided to start this new category called "Monthly Favourites" which, as the name suggests, is a list of my favourite things to do, watch, wear during the course of a month.

At first, I was about to bitch about someone and make this another one of my "bitch session" posts, but I realised, I was going to bitch about someone who I adore although he is extremely unreliable and can be quite fake. He's not a poor excuse of a person and I remember I said I will only write about someone who I consider to be just that. 

So let's get on with the favourites.

1) Favourite artist/song of the month :

Dean - 21

This guy is a mastermind and I am torn between which song of his I love most. However, since I'm 21 years old, I feel like an independent and strong woman when I listen to this song.

Dean's arrangements are always pleasing to the ears because his voice is unbearably unique, he is young and so is his sound, plus he has crazy production talent. His videos are aesthetically pleasing. HE is aesthetically pleasing.

Joe Hertz - Stay Lost ft. Amber-Simone (Cabu Remix)

My teen nephew gave me this song and I'm in love with it. Everything about it is right. 
2) Favourite style statement :

DIY Pendant Necklace

It's a very 1990's thing to do; take a necklace cord a keep replacing the pendant according to your mood.

I didn't love chokers when it became the rage in town/instagram, but now I'm one of those people who feel incomplete without one.

I get allergies and my whole neck becomes red when I wear necklaces made of anything that isn't gold/silver, so satin chokers and leather necklaces were a BIG relief.
Oval Sunglasses
I'm not sure if it's only because I think Dakota Fanning is the coolest girl in the world, but I love how she's rocking these oval sunglasses in the movie "Uptown Girls".

The movie's release date is closer to the 90's than it is to contemporary times, so I think I'm just going through a 90's nostalgia style moment.
3) Currently Reading :
Notice how this is not my favourite but something I'm reading "currently". That's because I haven't been able to complete a single book yet. I want to read "The Book Thief" next, but I'm forcing myself to finish reading a few books I already have that I never read  haha

4) Favourite TV show : Without a doubt

Ugly Betty

I finished the series already and I miss EACH AND EVERY CHARACTER. I need to get the book for this too!

This blog post is more like a wish-list than a favourite's list. 

Anyway, if you read one of my previous posts called "The Butterfly Effect", you'd know that Ugly Betty has given me some answers to perennial questions. Moreover, recently, I have been struggling to shake off all the social conditioning of my formative years, one being, accepting non-heterosexual orientations. I still find a lot of things about different types of relationships very weird, but I find homosexuality absolutely acceptable.

I have been feeling this way for quite some time now, but after tearing up (and bawling my eyes out) one last time when young Justin came out of the closet to his lovely family, I think I can confirm my beliefs. hah

Plus, I think Marc HAS to be my ultimate favourite character. The one whose character resonates most with me is probably Amanda. And she's a fag hag, so I guess it's confirmed yet again. hah.

5) Favourite Online Magazine/Blog

Rachel Khoo's blog ,

although I hear she has also started a magazine now.

Her blog looks exactly how I would've wanted mine to look like if I was good at illustrations and had an expensive team of graphic designers. Which I don't so I have to pretend to be a minimalist since I can only do so much coding and customisation work.

6) Home Decor Inspo

I don't know if it's age or something sexist like my made-up housewifey-syndrome (forgive me, I made it up during high school when I was attempted to be bullied by this bunch of airheads who reminded me of those materialistic and annoying moms of classmates who would talk to the teachers for so damn long during PTM's and Y DO THEY ALL TALK IN NASALY VOICES?) but I am so into looking at apartments and household things.

Just yesterday, I got this lovely mop that you can place on this whirring wheel, which whirrs around the mop until it's dry. It was the best mopping experience of my life.

Just for fun (housewifey fun), I'll add something which has also been on my wish-list ever since I watched my first episode of Rachel Khoo's Little Parisian Kitchen:

Vintage Enamel Pots and Pans

Just a few days ago, my friends and our moms were going somewhere in two cabs. Because there were five kids and three moms, and Uber only allows four passengers, I volunteered to sit with the moms. Later, since I was with the mom pack, I followed them to the Tibetan market for lunch and left my contemporaries behind.

Yesterday, when we all met again, I just made ONE joke with the moms and suddenly all the girls tell me to hang out with my best new buds. Maybe I shouldn't have laughed it off hah

Going off to make a pinterest board, bye!